“The Staff Were Too Friendly”

Resorts and hotels are used to weird complaints. They get them all the time. You don’t want to know. Well, you do, of course, and so do we all  —  but it’s hell’s own difficult to get anyone to tell.

I once caught the manager of an award-winning resort in a talkative mood, and winkled out the story of a woman whose son, aged 30-something, drowned one night alone in his villa’s small swimming pool. The mother was flown to this tropical paradise at the resort’s expense, where her very first question to the management was how much compensation they were going to pay her. (You couldn’t make this up.)

The manager also recalled the strangest complaint of his career: the staff were “too friendly”.

This, on an island which is famous  —  world-famous  —  for its warmth and hospitality. Too friendly? The mind boggles. Did they ask the guests on a date? Give sweets to the children? Offer free weight loss advice?

I’ve known the staff at this particular resort for years, and I can pretty well guarantee they didn’t do any of those things. They did what they’re scrupulously trained to do: smile whenever they see a guest. Say “Welcome”. Say “Good morning”. Say “Good afternoon”. Say, when the villa is clean, the laundry is collected and the garden is watered, “We are finished now. Thank you. Goodbye”. Possibly even “Enjoy your evening” when the guest is chauffeured to a restaurant.

If that’s all they could find to complain about, I can think of plenty of places where over-friendliness wouldn’t be a problem. A Japanese capsule hotel, say, or the Hilton Union Square, or perhaps a small bed-and-breakfast in the English countryside.

I’m sure you can suggest others…